


Glitterbomb

by soufflegirl91



Series: Souffle's 007 Fest 2020 Fancreations [6]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Exploding pens, Glitter, Humour, M/M, OC 003 is a bit of a dick but gets what's coming to him, why agents should never ask Q branch for specific gadgets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: The double-ohs ask for an exploding pen one too many times. But will they like it when they finally get to test one?
Relationships: James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan
Series: Souffle's 007 Fest 2020 Fancreations [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809892
Comments: 17
Kudos: 119
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	Glitterbomb

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celyan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celyan/gifts).



> Written for the 2018 Fest anon prompt “Q branch making glitter bombs in pens because people keep stealing them.” Also making this my free space for the classic prompt table - “exploding pen”  
> Some liberties were taken with the anon prompt, as you will see, but it still fits the brief. 
> 
> Unbeta-ed because July. 
> 
> A gift to the wonderful Mely (Celyan) on the occasion of HER BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELY! I hope this makes you chuckle!

“Well, if the agents want an exploding pen so badly, surely we could accommodate them?”

That was how it started. A joking, offhand comment when Q had been complaining to R about the latest double-oh agent to nag him for an incendiary writing implement. This time, it had been 003. The trouble with 003, though, was that - unlike Bond and Trevelyan, who firmly kept their requests behind a veil of sarcasm or jokes - he didn’t have a sense of humour. 

One does not simply approach the Quartermaster in charge of kitting you out and keeping you alive and greet him with “why don’t you make any good gadgets, anymore?” It just wasn’t _done_. 

It didn’t help that the _entire double-oh division_ kept stealing Q’s pens because they misguidedly thought that he was keeping the "good pens" secret.

“Wouldn’t that just be giving them what they want?” Q had protested.

The exaggerated look of innocence that had Rani’s eyebrows raising so much as to practically be covered by her hijab really should have been a clue that Q had missed something.

“You just leave that to me.” 

And so he had. 

And when R had sent him a calendar invite reading “exploding pen demonstration” the next week, Q had made sure that this was one meeting for which he _wouldn’t_ arrive late. 

When Q arrived in explosives lab 3 that Wednesday morning, he was unsurprised to see 003, 006 and 007 loitering with poorly-disguised expressions of glee. Q was impressed. Trying to get the field agents to pay attention to their Outlook calendar was like trying to milk a rabbit. 

“Oh good, you’re all here.” 

R strode past them with a slim box in her hands. Once they were all safely ensconced in the lab, she closed the door behind them and engaged the warning light that told passing boffins not to interrupt lest they end up blowing someone’s arm off. She handed out safety goggles and ear protectors, which Q took bemusedly. 

Surely she hadn’t made a _real_ exploding pen? The idea had been _not_ to capitulate to annoying agents!

“I need a volunteer,” she said with a grin that had Q’s doubts vanishing quicker than a double-oh from a mark’s bed. “Ah, Wilson. Thank you.” 

Q smirked as 003 stepped forward, proud to have been picked over Bond and Trevelyan for the first time in his life. Q had no idea what to expect, but he at least had more goodwill towards his two terrors. Not least because they were bloody _fantastic_ in bed. Wilson was just a bloody prick who deserved whatever was coming to him. 

“Now, this is just a prototype, but never let it be said that Q Branch doesn’t listen to agent feedback. You wanted an exploding pen, and an exploding pen you shall have.” With a reverence that just _had_ to be exaggerated, Rani handed over what appeared to be a standard Bic 4-colour pen. “The blue and black cartridges are just regular biros, so we can ignore those for now. That was if anyone questions you, you can write something and prove them wrong. We might toy around with poisoned inks or similar at a later date.”

Bond and Trevelyan shared a wolfish grin that had Q shuddering at the idea of his agents just casually drawing all over someone’s skin with poisoned ink. Sometimes, he worried that his lovers were a bit _too_ bloodthirsty. Then he remembered that it was his job to allow them to _act_ on that bloodthirstiness, and reminded himself not to examine it too closely. 

“The green will be a needle with a quick-acting paralytic. It won’t last long, so make sure you don’t deploy it too early or you’ll end up with a very pissed off enemy. Because this is a prototype for the explosion, I’ve not included it here. Now, the red…” 

Q rolled his eyes at R’s flair for the dramatic. She could have just skipped over all the things that _didn’t_ apply to the prototype and avoided the meaningful pause, but _noooo._ He silently vowed to stop encouraging her obsession with detective stories. He did _not_ need every explanation to turn into a summation gathering, thank you very much. 

“The _red_ is the one you’re interested in. Click down on the red, and you’ll have a 5-second delay to get that thing as far away from you as possible. We couldn’t add a contact sensor without compromising the casing, so if you hold onto it too long you can kiss goodbye to your dominant hand. The prototype is just a blank, but it will give you the idea. On my mark, 003, click the red and throw the pen as far as you can. It won’t hurt you, but it is rather loud, so if you could all please don your safety protection.” 

Q gave James and Alec a meaningful look when they attempted to scoff at the idea of safety protection for a blank. Cowed, the two agents did as asked, and Q hid a smile. They knew what was good for them. 

Q straightened his own safety glasses, catching R’s eye as she turned away from 003 to give him a sly wink.Once they were all ready, she gave 003 a thumbs up and started counting down from 5 on her hand. 

5...4...3...2…

Before she got to one, Wilson jumped the gun and clicked down the red clicky bit ( _yes,_ Q knew they had a technical name and _no_ , Q did not care. They were clicky bits). Before he could throw the pen, however, there was a rather anticlimactic _fffftt_. 

Followed by an explosion of glitter.

All over 003’s fancy Brioni suit. 

Wilson spluttered.

Alec and James stared. 

Q and R high-fived.

Such a _shame._ That wouldn’t come out for _weeks_ . And all that glitter in his _hair_ , too. 

“What the-!”

“Next time you question the equipment Q Branch provides, I expect you to remember this moment,” R said, smiling beatifically. “Be careful what you wish for, gentlemen. 003, you might want to clean that up. The cleaners don’t have clearance for this corridor.”

And with that, the two head boffins turned their backs on the speechless Wilson, leaving Bond and Trevelyan behind to point and laugh at their unfortunate colleague. 

“Remind me to send them straight to you next time they ask for a ski pole grenade launcher,” Q smirked.

R grinned.

“I have just the idea in mind.”


End file.
